Dear Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Won't-Die,
As I appreciate the zeal with which you commissioned my portrait for the Headmaster's office, I cannot stress enough how tedious it is to see your son fall prey to the same stupidity that apparently runs in the sludge that is the Potter gene pool. I have gazed upon his impertinent stare four times this week, the boy having been called into the Headmaster's office because of something having to do with Scorpius and slugs.
Rein in your son's behavior, or I swear I will be the first portrait to successfully hex someone of the Living world!
Regards,
Your irritated though thankfully former Potions master.
PS~ Stop sending Marat with your correspondence -- the man keeps dripping blood everywhere and I don't think he realises yet just how dead he is supposed to be.
PPS~ I will also thank you to stop threatening me with promises of moving me from Hogwarts and into your home.
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